I was challenged the other day with the following question. When was the first time you really felt like a grown up (sic) (if ever)? Questionable spelling and snarky implication aside, the question is something I’ve pondered before.
The problem I face in answering such a question is complex. I have no true memories of my early years. The first true memories I can recall started when I was about six. Anything before those memories are memories I created based on the stories told about an incident.
I had many interesting childhood experiences, beginning with a near-death experience. I was six months old, and my great-grandmother almost killed me. That was my first trip to a hospital, and I carried the physical scars of that incident for decades. If that were not enough, my little brother dropped a brick on my head a few years later, again sending me to the hospital.
Of course, that one also made me the butt of many jokes as I grew older. Any memory lapse, odd behavior, or whatever was blamed on the brick. Luckily, I was reportedly wearing a sturdy leather cap at the time of the assault, or the jokes might not have been funny.
Early near tragedies aside, I cannot remember when I was not expected to be a grown-up, at least part of the time. The first clear memory of my childhood was alluded to in the first paragraph. I was five years old. That memory resulted in another trip to the hospital and laid the groundwork for prepubescent adulthood.
Surviving my early childhood was no mean feat. I made it, though, quickly transitioning from preschool boyhood to being the third adult in our little family. That may sound pretentious or over the top, but it was my reality. When I think of those years, two country songs come to mind, “Peter Pan” and “Love Triangle.”
Dad was so much like the guy Kelsea Ballerini wrote about in her song “Peter Pan” that it hit me immediately. Then there is Raelynn’s song “Love Triangle.” I was the anchor point in my family’s little love triangle. I was caught between Mom and Dad, trying to love and calm them or ride out the storms that often raged through our lives.
Being the oldest child, babysitter, and shoulder to cry on was interesting. I manned the confessional for Dad’s rants and raves. I was the kid who wanted to play ball but had to hold Mom’s hand or stand by and watch her wilting because of things done, not done, said, or not said that left her empty. I was the big brother who had to act like a dad when my little brother acted like a little brother.
Yes, I was grown up, long before I was old enough for others to think of me as an adult, much less a grown-up. That’s probably why I took every chance as an adult to experience something akin to the joy I saw in the faces and eyes of my children and grandchildren.
In closing, I acted the part and had to be the adult in the room years before I wanted to have that job. However, the first time it truly hit me that I was fully grown up was one night not long after I graduated from high school. That was when my father asked me to care for my mother because he was divorcing her to marry his much younger girlfriend.
© oneoldcop.com 2023
Who did your older half-brother belong to?
My dad’s first born with the woman he left us for.
Is it wrong for me to say that, I am not impressed with your parents? Then, again, I wasn’t impressed with mine…either. I am an only child so, I didn’t have younger siblings to deal with but, my parents were still like the 18 & 20 year olds that got pregnant, even when I was 12. My dad nearly went to Vietnam but, stopped short of getting there, resigning his commission in his senior year of ROTC. He just wanted to be a firefighter but, his grandfather said NO (YOU are going to COLLEGE…whether you want to or not). He was pretty much lost after that, for the rest of his life. He did a decade as Probation/Parole but, the rest was just wandering (literally & figuratively). My mom got caught up in the “Womens Lib” stuff and got a boob job, after my dad continually made jokes about having to mark her “front & back”, to tell the difference. She never grew a sense of humor. There was a bit of “swapping” going on with another couple and, eventually, my dad wound up having a full affair with the other wife, destroying both marriages. That woman was a real mess, in comparison to my mom. She wound up shooting herself during an argument with my dad over “seeing other people.” It took my dad 20 years to get over that.
For a number of year I was involved in a Life Skills or Lifestyle managment program originally started by Dr. Phil McGraw. During my involvement there, and my Life Coaching work later I heard a lot of stories similar to yours and mine. Sometimes I wonder how many people, including me, managed to make it through to the present day, giving all the emotional baggage some of them dragged along. Here’s a link to a piece I wrote a few years ago that you might find interesting. https://oneoldcop.com/2019/04/09/an-unexpected-reunion/
Thanks. Reading…
Sorry for my delay in responding. Life has gotten in the way. Appts. for Ken and another surgery.
I know exctly what you mean, about life getting in the way. I have been up to my eyebrows recently in the smelly stuff, including doctor’s visits, physical therapy and handholding others. Good to hear from you, and hopefully I am making some progress healthwise and writing wise.
I tried responding to this via the Reader on my laptop. It is flipping out so badly that, one of my comments has turned into an actual post on your site. WTAF?
Did you get my comment on how the Reader has gone nuts?
This is what I was talking about. The Reader is flipping out…
https://cosmicobservation.files.wordpress.com/2023/12/cops7678575938567019935.png
We were wrapping up here, and getting ready to crash. I’d already logged off my laptop. Then your comments popped up on my watch.
I just sent an email to the “happiness engineers”. I am sitting here, watching tour Reader feed blink…non-stop.
Weird. I was having some problems with Direct TV and Spectrum earlier today. I’d lose satellite or internet sporadically. Wonder if it has anything to do with the Solar Activity?
Possibly with DirecTV or Spectrum. In the case of WordPress, happiness engineers are always jacking with PHP code, fouling things up.
That is weird. Not certain what is going on, but my site still looks the same from this end.
Watch this…
https://cosmicobservation.files.wordpress.com/2023/12/wp-1702177610662.mp4
That’s crazy! Hope you can get some help on it.
I am in an email convo, now…
Jackson Family Phenomenon. Ha.
Wow. Why didn’t David stay with you and your mom?
Then, your dad loses his second wife, along with another son & daughter?
It is fascinating that your dad could not quite turn loose of your mom. Did he talk her out of finding another man?
It is crazy that your brother David and your dad died 18 years and three days apart in February. My family members (paternal side) like to die in August. My paternal grandfather passed Aug. 5, 1986. My paternal grandmother passed Aug. 27, 2000. My dad just passed Aug. 25, 2022 (more likely, the day before…24th). I was born Aug. 30, 1966.
I’m sorry for your loss of your brother. I have no siblings, except a step-sister that belonged to my dad’s second wife, Linda…a dear, dear woman. The step-sister, not so much. My step-mom passed from cancer (third round) in July 2013. She was eight years younger than my dad.
https://www.findagrave.com/memorial/242979402/george-edward-jones
I did not attend the graveside service.
Yes, my family history would make a good horroricfic realtionship comedy drama. I have no idea how we are supposed to interrpret the odd signs, conincidences of bits of Karma that peppered our lives. For instance, my father, my two brothers and I were all born on the 9th day of four consecutive months. My older half brother could have been David’s emotional twin, and my younger half-brother is a great deal like me in a number of ways. Also, Dad was master manipulator. He conned David into being his sidekick and Beard when I realized what was going on and he perceived me as an enemy instead of an ally. So when Dad decided to blow town David tagged along. Later Dad was haunted by David’s death becuase Dad convinced David to enlist. David had become a competitor of sorts.
Anyway, good to hear from you. I am hoping to be back in posting/publishing mode again soon. I haven’t even had much time or energy to keep up with others recently.
I might start back at the beginning of the year. IDK. Ken and his health issues…my health issues…we shall see.
Your feed in the Reader (browser) is still blinking. I have gone several rounds with the happiness engineers.
I know what you mean with the health issues. We are both spending time with doctors regularly. My vertigo and instability issues seem to be clearing up thanks to several months of physical therapy. We both have ongoing issues as well that interfere with plans at times. Today I heard a sermon that challenged me a bit to take the next step in my blogging and writing life instead of waiting for everything to clear up. Made a lot of sense, but who knows next year will bring. That Reader issue is weird, I played with Reader earlier to see if I could cause a problem, but nothing happened.